It’s not me, it’s them…

“Every time I send an email requesting information, it takes a long time for him to respond. I ask professionally and end up having to find the info elsewhere.”

This was said by a team member I worked with to help improve team collaboration.

It became clearer she was feeling unheard. This connected with a deeper emotional wound around feeling disrespected and rejected.

What appeared on the surface was being felt so much deeper. She was being human.

When she engaged with this colleague, her defenses were up. Though she felt her communication was professional, she was reacting to him from a place of disappointment and hurt.

She had resigned herself to the feeling he would not respond. It was an ongoing cycle of frustration, inefficiency and performance risk.

To shift this, she could:

1. Repeat what she’d always done and hope her colleague changed their behaviour. A disempowering and reactive approach.


2. Break the cycle and explore her own triggers in this experience. An empowering and proactive approach enabling:

• An opportunity to explore her own story and patterns of behaviors to better serve her wellbeing.

• Refocus of her intention on collective work outcomes and choosing new actions.

With little empowered new actions, new possibilities emerge.


Article by

Vee Haslam

I Help You Connect to the Heart of the Matter During Times of Change to Obtain Peak Performance.

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